I ATE TEN DISHES IN THREE HOURS AT THAI SQUARE & IT HURT

i don't need to remind you how much i love me some asian food (further reading here and here), and how it's prrrrrobably my favourite type of cuisine; it's easiest to make in the shortest amount of time, it's not tricky to add and remove things from (onion: i'm looking at you), and you don't need to use msg as a flavour enhancer as there's already tonnnnes of flavour in it. so, the platinum set menu at thai square covent garden sort of seemed like my idea of heaven, on paper. it's ten dishes over four courses, ranging from mild to hot, veggie to full-on meat, and finishes with a cherry on top. literally, in some cases.

it helps to get your stomach ready for ten dishes by starting with fruity cocktails. there's (surely) some scientific research (somewhere) that proves this (brand new) theory (of mine) too, so i did just that. fruity and sweet, it was the best way to kick start dinner. i can't for the life of me remember the name of mine, but it was passionfruit and mango and papaya and lots and lots of vodka. it had a curly straw in the shape of a love heart, so there's nothing else i can say about that.

the first dish: aromatic duck. stewed in a variety of herbs then deep fried until crispy, the duck pieces were served with steamed pancakes, slices of cucumber and spring onion, and the house-made hoisin sauce. the sauce was easily the best part of the dish. other than the crispy duck, i mean, i could have happily eaten the duck and sauce on their own with none of the other nonsense, because if i'm honest: having to diy my own meal in a restaurant is a pain. it's messy, it went everywhere, and i ended up forfeiting the creative process in the end for dipping and eating just the duck meat.

once we were done there, it was scallops time. steamed king scallops topped green curry sauce and garnished with chilli and kafir lime leaves, this one was instantly a winner. i am basically like 30% green curry, so anything that comes with my favourite flavours on it gets the tick of approval from me. the scallops were haauuuuge, and perfectly cooked. they came served on a giant shell too, which was a nice touch, i though. this dish so far was my favourite. a simple dish, no fuss, and full of flavour.

then shit got real and seven new dishes were brought to the table. seven. i can't lie, after the scallops - though i definitely had the taste for it, i was already feeling pretty stuffed. but, there were some totally delicious-looking plates in front of me - including a whole bowl of green curried prawns, so i *tried* to pace myself. spoiler alert: i didn't do a good enough job. as well as the prawns in a creamy, spicy sauce was "weeping tiger" - chargrilled sirloin marinated in a secret recipe chilli sauce, thinly sliced duck topped with exotic tamarind sauce, stir fried prawns and scallops with asparagus stalks in the chef's secret recipe sauce, and three side dishes of boiled rice, wilted pak choi, and stir fried egg noodles in a spicy sauce.

if that sounds like a lot, it's because it is a lot. far too much for two people anyway, and that's coming from me: i eat like i might never eat again, and at the speed of light. this meal was no different, so i became very full, very quickly. and yet, i persisted. why? because the food was some of the tastiest, spiciest, sweetest, and moreish dishes i have ever tasted, and i simply could.not.stop.eating.food.

other than the green curry prawns (because duh), the prawn and scallops with asparagus stalks was most definitely my favourite of the main dishes. the sweet tamarind sauce was a nice change for me (not something i use at home normally, whereas i eat a lot of green curry), and the crunchy asparagus stalks made up for the amount of veg there wasn't in any of the other dishes. that, and i bloody dig asparagus. i'm not sure i shared much of that dish, actually... and now i can't stop thinking about it, so.

we didn't even finish those seven dishes. the steak was mostly untouched, and the duck barely got a showing. we were stuffed. absolutely stuffed. luckily, i was allowed to take the steak and leftover rice with me and i had it the next day when i was able to eat again. needless to say, we didn't need dessert, but we didn't get an option. the fresh fruit and ice cream came out almost as soon as the plates were cleared, and one or two mouthfuls were all we could manage. it was tasty, but not worth the absolute pain i encountered when i tried to leave.

as someone who loves food, i am here to say that ten dishes is too many to be comfortable afterwards. and then by definition, at £36.50 per person (minimum two), is probably too expensive for the amount that was wasted. but in saying that, the chain offers some really affordable lunch time and pre-theatre offers that i will definitely be back to try once these dishes digest, because a green curry i don't have to make myself, and crunch asparagus with sweet and tangy sauce is the way to my heart.

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*we were guests of thai square, but all thoughts are mine.