batman > spider man: 100 reasons why*

Wednesday, 25 July 2012

* there is potential for this to be ever so slightly exaggerated.

by now, every one in the free world has seen the batman: the dark knight rises. if you haven't, i suggest you stop reading now. this is your one and only spoiler alert. if you have yet to see the amazing spider man then i suggest you don't bother; but if you must, then only do so for the drool factor that is a) andrew garfield, or b) emma stone - depending on which way you're inclined.

as you know, boyfriend and i went and saw spider man for his birthday at the start of the month. and as you also know, i thought it was all a bit blaaaah. the storyline was different to what i knew about spider man, there was no mary-jane, uncle ben still dies, there's no wrestling, this peter parker mumbles and rides a skateboard, and who is this gwen stacey bird? wait - i really like emma stone. she is on my list of top 5 girl crushes (in no particular order: zooey deschanel, mila kunis, rachel's bilson and mcadams and emma stone), cos she is funny and clever and cool. and in this movie she is meeeeh, but pretty. and blonde? what's even the point of her being blonde? is it so we don't think she's mary-jane? if so, what was the point of kirsten dunst being a red-head... it's so confusing.

anyway. the dark knight rises premier was last wednesday, and although we have no money ever at this time of the month, and much more important things to spend our remaining monies on, like ani and liz's birthdays last week - i whipped out the credit card and booked the tickets; as you might have read here. we went on saturday to the local cinema at bromley - prepared for a long show. except, it honestly didn't feel long - i hardly noticed the length because i was soooooo into the film. boyfriend noticed it more, but i secretly think it's because he's pro-spider man and was just being mouthy. anyway, onto the top 100 reasons why, in every universe, batman - the dark knight will always be greater to and not equal to the 'amazing' spider man.

1. man vs boy: batman is a man. spider man is a boy. i rest my case. seriously.
holy muscles batman
geek chic?
2. the gadgets vs the powers: batman is a man who has access to loads of gadgets. unlike spider man, he doesn't posses any super powers. he is reliant on his own strength and martial arts training to beat the badies. obviously, he does have a lot of help beating the bad guys, thanks to fox and his underground lair of super high-tech gadgets, but nevertheless he does not have silly string that shoots out of his wrists or the ability to jump really high and move really fast. he could be real. spider man could not. and, batman puts guns out. that's important.

guns are bad, mmmkay?

spidey gets another bad guy
3. the villains: batman has faced some serious villains in his time, but none more maniacal and undermining than the joker himself. what a bad ass. this time around, we're reintroduced to to bane. creepy, giant, masked, bane. spider man on the other hand? welsh lizards. and the birds eye voice over guy. scary stuff.
the joker... seriously
bane.. oosh!
norman osborn... terrifying
dr. curtis connors. welsh.
4. sidekicks: this one's probably not fair. i mean, batman has a few. alfred the butler and lucius fox in applied science, as well as (bah, bah, baaaaah) john blake a.k.a robin and to a certain extent also catwoman in the latest installment. spidey rocks about on his own. except for poor wee gwen who tried to help and her dad the chief of police who only wants to help at the last minute. this one just proves popularity is key when you're a masked crusader. and i guess... money too. but..... ROBIN!
5. the transport: batman has a ride. he actually has lots. he has a bike thing that goes sideways around corners. sideways. he has a tank/car that turns into a helicopter/hovercraft. you guys. spider man has a skateboard. oh, and the silly string tie swings. laaaaaaame.
forward or sideways right now? who knows!

on the way to school, no doubt.
6. the bitches: hrrmm.. batman is so professional that he never really mixes business and pleasure. and i respect that. unlike that horny teenager spidey who only has one thing on the brain. if we're comparing who's hotter (we wouldn't do that though, cos we're not that shallow), then catwoman is fierce. she wins.
meow
late for class, gwen?
7. official poster: i've got nothing. they're equally excellent. one point to spidey.

8. special effects: zommmmg. the cool things that happened in batman were unexplainable. even if you've seen the film (and i'm assuming you have if you're still reading this) then you will know what i mean. i think the most awesome scene was when bane and his crew blew up the whole fricken city. watching that, no music just the kid singing the national anthem, silence in the city and watching the explosions... chilling. on the other hand... there were thousands of lizards in spider man, so...

9. costumes: everybody knows black goes with more. this is a wash. everyone knows that 'red and blue will never do'. minus one point to spider man.



10. the secret identity: bruce wayne is a billionaire, playboy, philanthropist. he is mature, owns his own business, home, and has thousands of employees working under him... he's been in jail - twice, and busted out.. twice. he's fallen down a well. he's survived a traumatic childhood drama. he's a good guy. he cares. peter parker is a teenager. on a skateboard. wait.. i guess he also had that whole childhood trauma thing. and then again as an adult. but so did bruce. and.. peter kind of takes aunt may for granted. a lot. i like alfred though.

in conclusion: batman is the best. in the begining. forever. always. may he rise again.

x