patience.

of all the virtues, patience is one i definitely do not possess. never have, never will. i've a short temper, and you're bound to have felt the wrath of it if you've ever met or spoken to me in real life. i'm stubborn, and often don't see arguments from any other point of view but my own. i'm quick to speak, act, make decisions, and often, regrettably. i don't have a censor between my brain - good judgement - and action. this means i'm often tarnished as 'difficult' and 'opinionated' and more often than not 'a surly bitch', which is all totally ok with me, because it's totally well deserved. and genuinely, i don't mind being called that - i will be the first to admit my faults, because at least i'm not an ignorant asshole, fake, or any other variation of personalities that aren't mine, and at least i own my flaws and faults and am not bothered about trying to be someone i'm not. 

there are things i can't change, and learning to be patient ~should be at the top of that list. the reasons i decided that today are three-fold. let me count the ways. one: because i binge-watch tv shows; i wait for the entire series to be available to me to stream on my beloved netflix, and then i waste many, many valuable hours watching the entire thing as quickly as possible so that it can be over and i can resume life. rather than be one of the many millions of people who sit around and wait seven days between shows to air. what this ~actually means is that i've been watching orange is the new black since sunday night. of thirteen eps, i watched six on sunday night, four on monday night, and three on tuesday night, thus completing a whole year's worth of waiting in three long nights. no patience! worst part of this story: the series really sucked and it was almost a total waste of time. if i'd had the patience to watch them like a normal human, maybe i would have appreciated them more, and not been so... underwhelmed by the series. add that to the list of things i'll never know.

reason two is almost the same but with a less dire outcome: i read books too fast. "too fast?" some would say, and yes, i agree there's not ~really a too fast when it comes to reading, but my ex used to say to me when i'd start and finish a book in a day or two; "it's such a waste when you read them too fast," and i mean... that guy was a moron, so i care less about the sentiment and more about the fact that maaaaaaybe skimming paragraphs and speed reading final chapters is not the way to go when it becomes apparent in the review of a particular book that i've ~missed an entire chunk of the story. i'm basically have to stop myself reading the ending first, because i have an inherent need to know how things end. it's why i can't turn off films as well, no matter how crap they are. i need to know the answer, and i need to know it like, yesterday. chop chop. tell me!

and the third reason is more about a problem i have with saying "yes" without thinking. ask me to do something and my diary is free, i'm going to say yes. invite me to an event and my diary is free, i'm going to say yes. ask me to go on holiday with you, despite the fact i have no money right now and already owe a bunch of monies in other areas (namely my credit card), i'm definitely going to say yes. without thinking, i'll definitely say yes. because i love the idea of doing things when my diary is  free, despite the fact i actually really also love binge-watching television shows and skim-reading books so i can see how they end. the main problem with saying "yes" to all the things, is that... i don't like letting people down, and i equally don't like fulfilling plans a lot of the time. conundrum, no? this occasionally results  in spur-of-the-moment travel arrangements, uncertainty and regret, and usually, the spending of more money to undo the spur-of-the-moment decisions. life!

i don't really know what the point of this post was, it's just rambling to be honest. i finished orange is the new black, and a good book that i think i missed parts of, and also have bailed on (and been bailed on - more than once - there's some karma for you!) an event in the last 24 hours, and i feel a bit bad about it all. funny old world, isn't it. when those are the biggest concerns in your day.

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