misery guts

Wednesday, 27 November 2013

haven't had a moan on here in a while, because i don't really like to bore you all with my actual feels, but... i'm making an exception on this one because i think i'm having a proper mid life career crisis.

i'm in a job i don't love despite being exceptionally good at it, making enough money to survive but not to spend frivolously, and i am genuinely bored all of the time. a lot of my friends at work are totes jeal of my lack of actual work situation - the idea of 'doing nothing all day' (not accurate description of my day) and getting an almost free-reign of my time spent at work ideals to them. i suppose, from the outside it does sound ideal! i literally hang out on the net, blogging, watching videos, scrollingscrollingscrolling, and partaking in a lot (read : a lot) of online shopping, for a lot of my working time. my managers know i do it, but are helpless to curb the behaviour, because i do do all of the work i am given, and more.

pity me!

no, i know i'm being ridiculous. but i'm coming from a sensible place; i have always worked hard, so not being able to work hard is harrrrrd for me. i want to be busy, i want to be overworked, i want to be complaining about how underpaid i am for the work i do, but i genuinely can't. i am supposedly 'really lucky' to be in this position, but all it makes me is frustrated, angry and - to quote my manager, "intimidating to others". which is why - he thinks, that of the four internal positions i've applied for this year purely because they'd totally give me a challenge, a 'career path' to strive toward and -- if we're honest, more money, i've been found 'not suitable for the role' every time. let's keep in mind here that i come with 5+ years of retail management experience, 3+ years admin support and coordination experience and almost 15 years customer service experience too. so, of all that -- and the off chance that i basically suck at interviews, i get the impression that he thinks i'm holding myself back.

self sabotage?

i'm not easily offended, and he was coming from a good place (and is 100% accurate, i totally am a moody cow), but hearing someone i really respect tell me how highly he thinks of me, and that he is baffled that i can't seem to catch a break lately, well... i cried a lot. in a meeting room. because i genuinely don't know what i'm doing with my life.

help meeeeeee.

4 comments:

  1. Aw I understand where you're coming from with having nothing to do. It sounds like the dream to everyone else when you say you just browse the internet etc because you have nothing else to do, but that's fun for about a day. it's really demotivating having nothing to do at work! I'm afraid I don't have any pearls of wisdom that'll make it all better :( It sounds like they should be at least trying to stretch you at work though and they don't seem to be. If it doesn't seem to be working for you there then moving to another company with a similar role might be the way forwards? Or have a good think and see if you might be happier doing something different? xxx

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  2. Big love Erica. I've been in jobs like that too, which is why I went into teaching. Now I moan about the immense workload and lack of a life. Some days I'd love to go back to the old 9-5. I guess the grass is always greener. Keep your head up, keep searching- you're bound to get offered something awesome in the near future - how could people not love you? xxx

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  3. Nooooo Erica :( I hate times like these, they are so hard to get out of. Your luck will change and you'll finally get what you've been looking for! You'll just be even more thankful for it when it does come! Keeping my fingers crossed for you, sugarplum x

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