some alone time



i was housebound this weekend. i had no plans either really, except i kinda did. well, i made some so i wouldn't feel like a loser, even though the idea of staying home all weekend was kind of appealing after the holiday away, and the longest week of my life back at work. so i did what people do, and made plans to see my friends on saturday night, despite feeling pretty 'blue' since getting home. i say 'blue' because one of my friends says that when she doesn't know what else to call it. i have a couple of ideas of why i feel a bit 'blue' at the moment, but that's not the point. the point is, i do, and when i got to the train station on saturday night to find it shut for engineering works and a rail replacement bus in operation, i was secretly a bit happy. i wasn't getting on no bus for no one.

so i bought a bottle of wine and went home, back to my pyjamas and my new favoutite netflix u.s. show 'once upon a time' - which, coincidentally i watched an entire season of in under 24 hours. it's probably no coincidence; i barely left my bed since getting in early on friday and leaving on saturday, so. plenty of time to knock off twenty two 45 minute episodes, don't you think? side note: i love the show. i'm now on season two, and it just keeps on bringing the entertainment. if you love disney, fairytales, or ginnifer goodwin, you'll love the shit out of this show. honest.

i left work early on friday. i've been having some medical dramas lately, with pain in my neck (literally and figurately). i've been getting headaches, and pins and needles, and the shakes in my arms, and it comes and goes and gets better then gets worse. it's been like that for the last three or four months at least; i got a new pillow and saw a doctor - who assessed me without actually touching any part of me (must be a wizard), and i was told i should probably think about a second opinion from a neurosurgeon. uhm... well i questioned that somewhat, and asked the doctor if i could maybe have a referral to a pyshio instead, as i'm sure it wasn't something to do with my brain. he - unconvinced, said that he would. this was more than four weeks ago, and still... nothing. i called them and they said i have to wait six weeks before i can follow it up. seems ridiculous, but then i remember it's the nhs, and i should be *grateful*.

my pins and needles, shakes and headache (in part to forgetting my glasses for a morning of training with computers and far-away screens off-site) were so bad on friday that after the training i thought i was going to be sick. i almost burst into tears in front of my perfectly-poised line manager, and so i sent myself home. from about 1pm i was in bed, doped up on anti-inflammatory tablets, ibuprofen and coffee. oh, and three different kinds of lindt chocolate. if you haven't tried the new creation range, definitely get your hands on the pistachio delight. it's a game changer. feeling miserable for yourself is the worst. not only that, i've been kinda cold-y too - probably from the recycled air on the airplane, but still... all the reasons to spend some time alone.

and now it's sunday, and i've been a bit teary for one reason or another. i've sent and received some kind messages, some hard messages, and some pretty baffling ones, but at no point have i wanted to actually see anyone. after my sunday catch up with mum, i did all the adulting i could muster before collapsing back onto my bed for my instagram consulting. i did chores; washed sheets and dishes, made the bed, put two loads of clean washing away and tidied my desk. took rubbish out, considered sorting out my shoe boxes (too hard pile), and i took a bunch of photos. it was about 2pm, and i still wasn't sure about leaving the house. sometimes it's hard to just leave. my flatmate's been away this weekend, and despite having the whole house to myself, i haven't left my room. i like my room. i like spending time by myself. sometimes. like this weekend.

sometimes i don't want to burden people with my misery. i mean, it's not sad misery, it's just... blue. but, this too shall pass. i promise the niceties will resume tomorrow. but for today, i'm going to wallow, here, on my blog, because it's mine to do just that. don't feel sorry for me, i'm perfectly fine. i'm just... a bit blue.

i'm sorry if you read all this and didn't just look at the pretty pictures.
i hope you've had a wonderful weekend.